Remembering Madhavi, our ‘beautiful’ aunt - the words of our cousin, Jalaja, succinctly puts in words Amma's character from a retired civil servants perspective

MADHAVI, MANOHARI

How many of us remember our old aunts and uncles who have left for their heavenly abodes? Mostly, none. Bur for us, Madhavi aunty (Matha Cheriyamma as we called her), younger sister of our mother, is ever-living. 

Early life: Madhavi was born and brought up in our joint-family home, Manjapra Variam. Her mother Angachi Amma was a formidable woman, but was also kind and compassionate. There were altogether nine siblings-four brothers and five sisters (they used to boast about being ‘Navaratnas’ or nine gems, a claim which others conveniently ignored!). 

Manjapra Variam members are generally jovial by nature, never unnecessarily worried about anything around them. They try to make the best out of every situation and see humour in everything. Madhavi grew up in a liberal set up in the Variam. 

The eldest among the four sisters, Rugmani, became a widow in early life. She was solemn and spoke less. My mother Parvathy or Chinnamma lived in another village with her foster parents, and was more inclined towards studies. The sister younger to her was gentle, but weepy by nature. The youngest of the sisters was cheerful and garrulous, always surrounded by a group of relatives ready to listen to her juicy gossips and witty comments. 

Madhavi, the middle one, grew up to be a bold, frank and outspoken woman. From her old photos she appears as a good- looking woman with long hair, reaching up to her knees (long hair was considered a symbol of beauty at that time). We could meet only her older self. 

 Marriage and after: We did not see much of her when we were staying with our mother in her village, for a short while. She had married an Electric engineer (late K.R Warrier or KR uncle to us) who was involved in the Community Development Project taken up at that time by the government, because of which they had to move from place to place. 

First Meeting: I recall meeting aunty in her home in Kottayan district of Kerala where K. R Uncle was posted at that time. To my surprise, I found her quite different from my mother. Unlike my mother, she was trim and sprightly. She actively moved around the place, busy with some work or the other. She took a special interest in us girls and in her own way encouraged us to pursue higher education. She uttered the English word ‘education’ many a time during our stay. It was obvious that educating girls was a subject close to her heart. She perhaps was troubled by the fact that she missed the opportunity to complete her SSLC, for, girls were never encouraged to get themselves educated, let alone take up any job at that time, although, She, along with her niece, did make a bold attempt to complete SSLC belatedly.

 Trivandrum - early days: We became close to her family once aunty and her three girls moved to Trivandrum, renting a house close to our home. Her only son was admitted to a Boarding school. KR uncle was working in the interiors of Kottayam (now Idukki) district were there were no educational facilities.

 As soon as they moved in, we children ran to her house, eager to meet them. We climbed a small hill on the top of which their home was located. We were amazed to see a pink glow in the veranda from a distance. As we went nearer, we could see that all doors and windows were draped with curtains in Strawberry pink! One by one the three girls-Chandrika, Shylaja and Kala - came out. They too were wearing pink clothes, pink petticoats and perhaps pink under wears too! The drawing room too was bathed in pink—the sofa covers, the cushions, the table cloth- the invasion of pink was complete. Aunty could not comprehend why we looked so surprised. It was something just normal to her.” I went to a cloth store, and picked up a pink bundle; I didn’t bother to spend more time’ explained aunty.

Life in the new house: Soon KR Uncle family built their own house in a posh area of the town. The house was beautifully built- the rooms were spacious and airy. We used to walk or go by bus to visit our cousins. They too visited us from time to time. As always, aunty was delighted to meet us. She didn’t spend much time on idle talk, but kept herself busy with some work or the other. We noticed that within a short time, she had raised many fruit plants on the front and backside of her home.  A lily - pond added beauty to the garden. I remember golden passion fruits hanging from their sprawling vines, spreading all over the terrace.

Once during our visits, we found bottles of fruits juice stacked up in a corner. “I made the passion fruits juice,” aunty proudly proclaimed. We admired her zeal and enterprise.

 Unlike most snobbish women of the colony who were averse to any kind of manual work, she worked with her own hands. Soon she developed a nice vegetable garden in the neighbouring plot (with permission, of course) which was lying vacant. She grew banana plants which grew profusely. Moringa (drum stick) was her another favourite.

I still remember the jack tree which grew close to the wall of the house, which was shared with the neighbour. Once she climbed on to the tree, in order to speak to her neighbour. The branch broke and she fell down, fracturing her foot. On reaching the hospital, she explained to the attending doctor and nurses how it had happened. Hearing her story, they all burst out laughing, for, they could not imagine how a 50+ lady could climb on to a jack tree, that too for simply chatting with neighbours! 

Once during such a visit, we were surprised to see two giant-sized women working in her garden. Aunty said they were both her helpers hired for gardening work. We used to call them ‘Hidumbis’, after a woman character in Mahabharata who too had huge size.

These two women provided us much merriment. One day, on our visit, we found both of them wearing Kakhi knickers (shorts) and moving around, which was a very unusual sight at that time. “How can they do manual work in Sarees? Let them be comfortable,” said aunty. Her snobbish neighbours spread many rumours about them. But aunty was unconcerned. She was far ahead of her time.

Aunty started running a shop just in front of her house selling ornamental porcelain jars/ urns and other decorative pieces. But she also has an arrangement for selling vegetables (there were no vegetable shops in the colony at that time). Aunty used to come to our place along with the two women helpers, to buy vegetables from the whole-sale market near our home. She did not forget to keep a large mud pot with ‘sambharam’ or butter milk for quenching the thirst of daily- wage workers passing by. Sometimes she gave them free clothes or food. 

One day she reached our home, with the two women dutifully following her, carrying a load of vegetables. Looking at her sister, my mother asked, “Where are your gold ornaments? Have you lost them or kept them safely somewhere?” Aunty pointed out to the two women who were seen happily wearing her necklace, chain and ear-studs. “They are young; they need to look attractive to fetch good husbands” said aunty nonchalantly. For her, there was nothing unusual in sharing her valuables with others, if they can be of some use to the recipients. After all, gold was like any other metal for her, its value depending on the kind of use to which it is put. My conservative mother was too stunned to speak.

Aunty had a flair for cooking. Aunty cooked very fast; still her food really tasted good. Her crowning glory was sauteed Clove - beans and Okra which she used to grow in her own garden. Very few people had Clove - bean vines in their homes.

Uncle KR was a stickler for time. One day we found that when the exact minute of his lunch time was reached, he roared "Madhavi”. We children were terrified. But then he gave us a huge wink and with a broad disarming smile said, "unless I tell her this way, I will not get my food on time!’

Aunty was interested in classical dances and music. She taught all her daughters dancing. She was very fond of ‘Kaikottikkali’, a dance form of Kerala - the women moved in circles in slow motion, clapping their hands. She forced all of us to participate. We performed only when she watched! But what amused us was her singing practices in early hours of the morning, while we were sleeping. Her son jokingly used to say that the girls in the opposite house got up early, to shut their windows facing his home, on hearing her sing! This could be true, because, the girls were pretty, and, young men like him were eager to catch a glimpse of them through their open windows! 

One of the most exciting events concerning aunty was her “World Tour”. KR uncle and his team from Indo- Canadian project were visiting Canada for discussion on the upcoming Arch - dam in Kerala. En-route they visited France, Hawai and other places. Wives of the team members also accompanied them.

We gave a warm welcome to aunty on her return. She shared with us some of the hilarious moments of the tour. While in Paris the team members, out of curiosity, had visited a dance club. Aunty found the female danseuse moving towards uncle. She laughingly told us how she sought to prevent them from occupying Uncle’s lap!   

When asked what she did when the team was away for work in Paris, she simply said, “I made egg- plant- fry in our room!” Imagine, Paris offering a host of world-famous delicacies, she found pleasure in cooking her own food!

While on tour, aunty bought a few pieces of exotic sarees. On her return, she visited our home and told us girls to try them out. She instinctively knew that it was hard on our parents to support four girls studying in college at that time. Whenever she got new clothes, she quietly used to leave them with us. Living in a colony notorious for its snobbish life style, she never made any attempt to display vanity. 

Speaking of clothes, aunty always wore only coffee-brown sarees. One day we found her wearing a chain of black- beads, instead of her usual gold jewellery. In answer to our questions, she replied  “If Indira Gandhi can wear black beads, can’t I too?” Perhaps, she was empowered in some way by the black beads worn by Indira Gandhi!

One day, it so happened that I was present when she was invited to speak to a group of women on the subject of family planning. Little did the organizers know that she already had four children! She wanted me to accompany her; I gladly obliged. When we reached the venue, aunt was a bit nervous. She spoke something and to my horror said “my niece who is well educated will now speak to you”. Me, just out of college, and still unmarried, was forced to speak on family planning - not very convincing to those women.

Our Father Dies: In the meantime, we lost our father. Aunty was not only close to my mother; but was also close to my father whom she trusted and held in high esteem. Whenever, in her typical style she blurted out something, my father quipped, “Matha doesn’t realize the consequence of her actions; hence she can afford to be brave”. She regularly visited us after our father’s demise. She did not forget to bring a bag of vegetables with her from her shop.

 I was busy preparing for my exam. Whenever she visited us, she found me grappling with my books, which pleased her very much. She told me that I should become a lawyer or judge, as there were very few women in those professions.

The accident: Years rolled by. My work took me to different parts of the country. When I was in Delhi, my mother came to stay with me. Within a few days, we were shocked to hear that aunty was admitted to the hospital, after meeting with an accident. She was in a state of comma. My mother rushed to Trivandrum. I could meet aunty only six months later. By that time, she was discharged from the hospital.

When I met her, she did not remember my name, but could recognize me.” Aren’t’ you the fifth daughter of my second sister?”. In her brain names were replaced by numbers, perhaps. I then realized that the plasticity of our brain helps us survive.

 KR uncle used to bring her to our home and leave her with me for some time, for a change. He was worried and apologetic that she would vex us with her disconnected thoughts. But it was always a delight for us to be with her. 

Husband and wife: KR uncle and aunty were so unlike each other. He was an intellectual, and a scholar, known for his wit and witticism. He was a voracious reader and was fluent in languages. A man of self-discipline, with a no-nonsense and un-emotional attitude, one could see compassion hidden in his heart. But the love and devotion he showered on aunty while she was in and out of hospital touched our hearts. Later on, when he passed away, she perhaps did not realize it. His demise was followed by the unexpected parting of her only son. In her mental state, perhaps, they were still alive.

 Last days: She stayed with her daughter-in-law as well as her daughters for a long time. I visited her at the time when her son passed away. She was delighted to see my sister and me and recognised us as Numbers 2 &5. She gave us idlis to eat, although we were not hungry. She scolded us and said, “Why have you left your husbands alone and come?”.

In her last phase she came to live with her younger daughter in Delhi. When I met her, I saw that her body had shrivelled; face looked drawn and eyes sunken. Soon she passed away. I bid her final good-bye.

How she matters to us: Sometimes, I feel that I unconsciously try to follow her foot-steps. I keep myself busy all the time. Like her, plants interest me.  I try to grow banana trees and drumstick plants. After making great efforts I collected the seeds of Clove- beans and started growing them. My passion for passion fruits died early, due to unsuitable weather. I too have a Jack tree right in front of my house, but desist from going anywhere near it! I got constructed lily- ponds wherever I stayed. I too try do-goody things. Although brown is not one of my favourite colours, I always end up buying brown- coloured clothes. The word “education” always rings a bell in my memory.

To all people aunty was a simple home-maker. But, why was she so special? Remember, she lived in a patriarchal society, which would not have allowed her any personal space or freedom. She defied convention, and was never concerned about what others thought of her. She believed in equality, without posing as its great champion. She cared for others and shared even her trivial possessions with them. What she felt, she spoke without any pretention or restrictions. She put in hard effort to make things better. She lived like a good human being, at the same time believing in the goodness of everyone around her. The generous couple arranged the marriages of young girls of Manjapra Variam, who were a part of our joint family, as though they were their own daughters. Such people are rare. That is why she is still alive in our memory.

Our old helper, with the same name as aunt Madhavi, used to sing to herself that she was Madhavi, Manohari (the beautiful). I would think of my aunt as ‘Madhavi Manohari’-not just for her outward appearance, but for her inner beauty- the goodness of her mind. She found goodness in the world; others found it in her.